hrbhgbhgm wish i wrote this down somewhere at the time since its been a hot minute since those two appointments yowza
so as a quick rundown in order to get access to any form of medical transitioning you're gonna need the referral of one of the two only psychiatrists that deal with trans patients, both of them having pretty outdated notions of what qualities a 'proper' trans person should have - pretty much just whatever the dsm5 describes as a trans person. and if you don't meet their very specific and frankly stupid criteria? womp womp no transitioning for you. oh you smoke? how about you stop that. bad relationship with your parents and you're a young adult? how about you work on that first. not doing well in school? you didn't experience dysphoria at age of 4? you claim to be a man yet you have painted nails? coloured hair? are you sure you're really trans?
safe to say i was already done with them when i had just called in for an appointment in october.
okidoki so my first appointment with lady of the hour was on the very first working day in our year of the lord 2024, 3rd of jan, and since this was her first appointment of the day, and the year even, she wasn't late, round of applause she usually is, by half an hour minimum. she calls me in and has an intro lasting about 15mins about who she is and all of her various accomplishments and creditentials so you know youre dealing with someone oh so very important, she then proceeds to ask me why im here (as she doesn't just deal with trans people) and i. i had prepared some sembelance of,, what i should say, how to describe my dysphoria in a way she would be satisfied yadda yadda, but her question just really threw me off for some reason, so i do what i do best and trip over my words and say that im here to uh,,, get a referal, for,,, da hormones yanno,,, aha,
catastrophic.
she gets offended about me reducing her to a referal machine (fair), when she's here to discuss and help people with their problems (yeah giving me a referal would genuinely really help my problems though) or something. so most of the remaining appointment is spent discussing my history, and not my history of dysphoria mind you, naur, my family, school, future plans, financial state, if ive ever had 'dark' thoughts, family medical history, you name it. with around 15 minutes left she finally asks what i woud've expected to be discussed in maybe, oh i dont know, the first half of the appointment? what is dysphoria to me? odd phrasing but whatever, so i do that, then she proceeds to ask me what would i do if i couldn't go on hrt, phrasing it in a way as if it's not uncommon for people to have medical complications from it, which is bs and i wanted to call her out on it, i say that id probably continue with voice training and possibly seek out alternatives, going to the gym and stuff?? i feel like she was trying to catch me saying that i would spiral into despair or something and she would then declare me too unstable to proceed, so i didnt mention anything like that even though she was sorta pushing me in that direction. she concludes the session by saying that ill have to invite one of my parents over to a session, not neccessarily the next one, but one of the following ones. now at the time my mother wasn't exactly supportive of me so i was planning on inviting my cousin, who's known me since i was a kid and idk thought her credidentials via being a doctor would convince her that she's reliable or something. yeah she didn't let me do that so until march i had to a) fess up and actually tell my mom i made a psych appointment behind her back and b)convince her that me transitioning isnt the end of the world so she doesn't spew out all her concerns infront of the psych lady who would in turn postpone any medical transitioning for eternity if she heard my mom's absolute opposition towards me transitioning